Journal

I was going to write, “that is the question” but that’s so corny. I can’t remember all the time that someone has used the afformentioned Shakespearean line in a witty attempt at comedy. So… I need to write. I have a lot of shit in my head that I want to tell the world about. Stuff that I’ve been thinking of since I was a child and for some reason, refuse to give up on. Most of these things have to do with living a life that I had always visualized living.

I thought that by now I’d be living on the moon or at least planning a trip to it. But instead, I have several telescopes that allow me to gaze upon the moon’s beauty by reflected sunlight. Then again, I just thought I’d be there, I didn’t actually visualize it. I’ve become quite adept at visualizing what I want. The cool thing is that I usually get it but only when I forget that I visualized it. I guess that’s the secret. Visualize and forget.

But how would I do that?  How do you visualize something that you simply don’t have a visual for? I can think of a few ways to do this. You can probably visualize your reaction to receiving what you asked for. The fact is, the future is malleable and the results you get are a product of your decisions, nothing’s set in stone.

So, now that I know this, I set out to visualize my reaction to doing what I really want to do. I design my own hours, I take lunch whenever I want and I get so healthy that I never have to visit a doctor again. I seriously believe that if you’re physically healthy and have a relaxed way of life, you won’t need a doctor–ever.

Barack Obama will win the election.

There comes a time in a man’s life when he realizes that what he sees so far is a good bet at the way things are going to stay.  Unless some earth-shattering even interferes with your happy-go lucky life, you should pretty much just start planning your retirement.  But still there is that spark, that little twitch that rejuvenates a man with an effervescent interest in taking a different approach to living life.  A song, a person, an event or maybe even just a fleeting thought that acts as the impetus for change.

There are times when I’d like to give up all of my fantasies and simply concede to mundane existence that I see so many people living. How do they do it? How does someone just live, pay bills, eat, sleep, , work, fuck, pay taxes and unless that earth shattering event occurs, simply maintain a humble, oxygen thieving existence? This astounds me to no ends and nobody seems to be able to answer my questions.

I know, I know… I should be thankful for what I have and appreciate that there are people in the world that would be satisfied with 10% of what I’ve had in my life. But I can’t think that way–it doesn’t do me any good. I’m not living their lives and they not mine. I can only affect what I see, hear and feel. Anymore than that runs the risk of hypocrisy.

You’d think I was ready to die now because it sometimes it feels like the prophet of doom’s small representative.  I’m not ready to die, in fact, I want to stick around and see if all the crazy shit that I’ve thought all my life actually happens.

I suppose that I’m simply waiting to see if that earth-shattering even actually happens the way I’ve always wanted it to.

** it did. Max was born on August 29, 2007. Now I want to stick around and see what cool shit he does.

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