I have spent the last three months studying philosophy in a way that I have never done before. I am certain that I obsessed in this way because of our baby due in October whom we have nicknamed, Pumpkin. I have not yet learned why the birth of our children causes me to introspect and literally conclude questions that I have had all my life. Amy offered me an illuminated reason. She felt that I seek meaning of the lives of these two children and thus reflect on my life. I don’t remember her saying that verbatim but it is how interpreted her observation.
In the past few months I finished; Aristotle’s, Metaphysics, Kant’s, Critique of Pure Reason and a wonderful book by B. Alan Wallace called, Hidden Dimensions. It has all blown my mind into shards of chaotic perception. I am now at the point where I am begining to understand the meaningless of everything and in that, see it’s meaning. I know that seems like a contradiction but even the word, “contradiction” is self canceling word and thus to me non-existent but it is actually the best way that I can express what I feel.
Throughout my life I have listened to people express cliches like; “life is what you make of it”, “everything is an illusion” and of course, “man is the measure of all things”. On the surface, I felt that I understood those statements easily agreed but I could never explain them and that is where my search began.
Why is everything an illusion and as Einstein put it, a very persistent one. Do I understand what he really meant or am I merely distracted by the word, illusion.
- What is the nature of my distraction?
- Do I agree with the concept of consensus illusion because I do not understand my ontological place in the universe?
- Is believing that everything is an illusion simply an irresponsible and aloof escape from consensus reality?
- Have I earned the right and luxury of assuming that nothing exists?
- Those are words typical of Buddhist monk’s dialogue and another interpretation of the sacred Heart Sutra but do I really know what it means?
The conclusion I drew with respect to myself was that I did not deserve to think that the universe did not exist until I could explain it to a teenager and for that matter, anyone who asked me. Also,it must be a clear, simple and concise explanation and not one myred in abstract examples and more cyclical philosophical rhetoric that leaves the querent more confused and irritated. In fact, I feel that it is important that you address the querent and emphasize that patience, an open mind free of prejudices is required. To illustrate this example with a metaphor; when you paint a house using a different color, you must prepare the surface by striping as much of the old color and repair imperfections before you prime and paint. So must a person be prepared to receive a new idea. For some, it is something that they’ve considered all their lives and never understood how to express much less develop.
It is also important that I offer examples and ensure that the recipient of my explanation actually learn something valuable and is able to formulate questions borne of knowledge and not of confusion. This is the only way that I can think of actually passing a certain measure, my measure of enlightenment to someone else.
I suppose that I have until October to assemble a solid interpretation of reality that I am comfortable with much the way that I was able to position a solid place for Christianity when Max was born. For some reason, Pumpkin is somehow–or the symbol that is, Pumpkin–underline and understand my Buddhist practice in a way that I have never understood. For that matter, the concept of these two children become my teachers and I their humble student.
